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WordPress Chuck Norris Facts

About the author: Dan Cannon is the CTO of Nicasio Design. Follow Dan on Twitter.

I would wager that by now you have at least heard about the Chuck Norris facts floating around the Internet. I ran across some tech related ‘Facts’ the other day and this inspired me to write some Chuck Norris WordPress/Web Design Facts.

Facts after the break.

Chuck Norris WordPress/Web Design Facts

  • Chuck Norris doesn’t use plugins. He roundhouse kicks the core until it does what he wants.
  • Chuck Norris is GPL compliant.
  • Chuck Norris’s WordPress theme is just a picture of his beard. It won 12 Webby Awards and was deemed “Best Theme of All Time”.
  • Chuck Norris can’t make core contributions. Unfortunately, there is no way to store a roundhouse kick on a filesystem.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t care about SEO. He’s already #1 for the keywords: pain, no mercy, roundhouse, and unicorns.
  • Chuck Norris’s tag cloud only has 3 words, all in large, bold font: beard, roundhouse, pain
  • Chuck Norris CAN use the_content() outside of the loop.
  • Chuck Norris can host WordPress without a database, server, or domain name.
  • Chuck Norris wrote a plugin once. It was called “Roundhouse Kick”. It had to be removed from the repository due to the number of fatalities.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t write his own blog posts as the human mind cannot comprehend the thoughts of Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris is 100% cross browser compliant, including IE6.
  • Chuck Norris regularly uses infinite loops – on purpose – without breaking his site.
  • Chuck Norris tried using once on 2/18/2010. The system could not handle his beard and was unavailable for 110 minutes.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t use Askimet or CAPTCHAS. He uses roundhouse kicks and punches for spam control.
  • Chuck Norris only has 1 category on his blog – pain.
  • Chuck Norris codes in PHP (plentiful helpings [of] pain) and CSS (cascading systematic slaps)
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t follow W3C Standards. Chuck Norris IS a W3C Standard.
  • Chuck Norris uses Comic Sans for content – And no one is going to say a damn thing about it.

Feel free to leave your WordPress/Web Design Chuck Norris facts in the comments below.

5 Responses to WordPress Chuck Norris Facts

  1. ROFL. So clever. :3

  2. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck wood? Measured by nano seconds, he’d suck a lot of wood, milk a cow, and he’d chuck as much as a woodchuck could chuck wood.

  3. I’ve heard of a man named BJ Davidson.

  4. recieves 300 million hits a day. Chuck Norris can deliver that many hits in less than a second.

  5. There are some funny ones related to programming here:

    “Chuck Norris doesn’t need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.”

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